Tail Trouble
by DiabloCat
Summary: My first, rather pathetic, attempt at humor. It is a windy morn at the mansion, doors slamming everywhere. Having a long, trailing limb is dangerous - as Kurt soon finds out...


Disclaimer: Do you think I'm the sort of person who'd own the X-men? I mean, geez, if I owned them, I wouldn't write fanfics, I'd write scripts!  
  
I don't do accents. Kurt's, Rouge's – nup. No can do. The only thing I do is Kitty's 'likes'. The rest you'll have to imagine.  
  
TAIL TROUBLE  
  
Xavier's Institute was not the place to be if you liked long lie-ins. It was physically impossible to sleep in until 7:00. Something was bound to happen. A certain hyperactive blue fuzzball, an extremely loud explosion, an argument which involved shrieking at the top of your lungs, or someone phasing through your door, asking if you'd seen their hairbrush. Sleeping in – it couldn't be done. Not unless you knocked yourself out, or happened to die peacefully in the middle of the night.  
  
This morning was the same. No one slept in. In fact, almost everyone woke at the exactly same time, because one, extremely loud something happened at precisely 3:00am.  
  
Someone screamed.  
  
The reactions were different. Jean sat bolt upright in bed. Scott's eyes snapped open, and, as a result, blew a hole in the roof. Rouge tossed back the covers with a curse, and stormed to the door. Kitty shrieked, and fell out of her bed. Evan mumbled something, then slowly crawled out of his covers. Logan leapt up with a snarl, claws extended - and then realised no one was attacking him. Storm literally flew out the door. Professor Xavier started, and looked around in shock. But eventually everyone made their way to the source of the disturbance.  
  
Nightcrawler sat with his back against a door, his face twisted in pain. He tried to grin when he saw the X-men, but failed miserably.  
  
"Kurt? What's the matter?" asked Jean, confused. He didn't look hurt, but it was obviously him who had shrieked.  
  
Kurt took a deep breath, and began. His voice was rather jerky due to the shudders of pain racing up and down his spine. "I was in the bathroom. I ca- came out, and the wind blew the door shut. My – my tail's trapped."  
  
Kitty placed a hand over her mouth to smother a giggle. Rouge glared at her. "Kitty!" she hissed.  
  
Evan sniggered. "Face it Rogue, it's funny."  
  
Scott, however, was NOT amused. He didn't enjoy being woken up early by a fuzzy elf who shut limbs in doors. "Open the door then," he said impatiently.  
  
"I can't," Kurt wailed in despair. "The door's locked."  
  
Evan looked at Kitty. "Looks like a job for the amazing Shadowcat. And hurry up. I'm tired."  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "Like, shut up Spyke." Kitty walked over and phased through the door. They heard her rattle it around, and then her peeved shout.  
  
"Ugh, the stupid lock's, like, stuck! I can't get it open." She phased out. "We'll have to get it open another way."  
  
"Why don't you teleport out?" asked Rouge.  
  
Kurt looked at her as if she was crazy. "Are you kidding? The door's got my tail so tight, if I tried to teleport, it'd be left behind! Or I'd teleport the whole wall with me!"  
  
Kitty looked at Kurt thoughtfully. "I could just phase your tail out myself?"  
  
"Whatever," said Kurt, teeth clenched. "Just do it quickly! I can't stand this much longer."  
  
Kitty reached down and tried resting her hand on Kurt's tail, but he yowled and slapped her hand away.  
  
"OW! Kurt!" she said, rubbing her stinging hand. "That hurt!"  
  
"Not as much as my tail did," snapped the trapped mutant. "It's too tender."  
  
"I'll just blast the door open ..." started Scott, raising his hand to his glasses, but Kurt interrupted him with a yell.  
  
"NEIN! Don't you DARE! You'll rip my tail off!"  
  
"Well," said Logan. "What if I ...?"  
  
Kurt's glare stopped him.  
  
"What? You'll have to come out of there sometime, Elf, and if you won't let anyone touch the tail, we'll have to remove the door!"  
  
"Ja, I agree, but YOU'LL probably slice my tail to pieces, and Scott's blast will tear it off along with the door."  
  
"So how trapped is your tail?" queried Beast, who had just poked his head around the corner.  
  
"Very. And it's probably broken," he groaned. "Wunderbar."  
  
Beast ambled over, and examined Kurt's prehensile limb. "Yes, your tail may well be broken. So – why haven't you opened the door?"  
  
"It's, like, locked and, no, I can't open it," Kitty said grumpily. "So don't even bother asking."  
  
"What if we unscrew the hinges?" Jean suggested.  
  
"Wouldn't the lock still hold Kurt tail in the door?" asked Scott.  
  
Beast rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm. True. Kurt's tail would still be trapped."  
  
"If the lock's the problem, just remove the lock," said Rogue. They all turned and looked at her. "Logan can just cut around the lock, and the door will swing open, right?"  
  
Wolverine popped his claws out. "Stand back," he growled. "There's only one thing I want to cut, and it isn't you lot."  
  
Kurt ducked his head as Logan sawed around the edges of the lock. Once he'd gone all the way round, he gave the door-knob a sharp tap and it fell backwards with a clunk. The door creaked open.  
  
Gingerly Kurt stood up. His tail was bent where the door had slammed on it, and he winced when it lightly bumped the ground.  
  
"Yes, definitely broken," said Beast. "Off to the infirmary with you. Come on."  
  
The rest of the X-men watched Kurt hobble off.  
  
"Wow," yawned Evan. "Great beginning to the day. Let's just hope that next time he shuts his tail in a door, he does it around seven."  
  
Rogue punched him. "You insensitive creep! You were NO help! Kurt was in a lot of pain!"  
  
"Yeah, well he can be in pain any time he wants, just not this early in the morning," Evan mumbled.  
  
"Don't you care at all?"  
  
"At seven – yes. At three – no, not really."  
  
Rogue threw her hands up in the air with a snort of exasperation, and stormed back to bed.  
  
In the infirmary, Kurt winced for the final time as Beast finished fixing up his tail. Nightcrawler sighed. "Ah, much better. Danke Herr Beast."  
  
Beast chuckled. "No problem. Just don't do it again."  
  
Kurt nodded fervently. "Definitely not. Nein. Never again." He lay back on the bed with a sigh of contentment, and started on the bowl of cereal Beast had brought him. It was amazing how much energy being trapped in a door for ten minutes took out of you. He was just finishing it off when...  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"  
  
With a BAMF and puff of sulphurous smoke, Kurt was at the source of the sound. Evan was standing, his face a mask of agony. His hand was shut in the bedroom door.  
  
"Let me guess," said Kurt. "The door is..."  
  
"Locked," whimpered Evan.  
  
"And here we go again," muttered Scott as he walked over.  
  
! THE END !  
  
A/N: Technically, I have nothing against Evan. But none of the others had the right type of personality. 


End file.
